Symptoms that you are a Grammar Nazi

What is a Grammar Nazi?
Proper noun
A member of the English language whom believes that it is their duty to consistently correct all grammar that they are exposed to (essays, notes, posters, messages, emails, texts… the list is infinite to grammar nazis).
“Grammar Nazi, please stop correcting every fucking thing I write and say.”
Common noun (pl. -s)
a – A person who uses proper grammar (and usually spells correctly too).
b – One who attempts to persuade or force others to use proper grammar and spelling at all times.
c – One who uses proper grammar and spelling to subtly mock a grammar amateur in order to express their grammar dominance and superiority.
d – a person with an English degree.
e – a person that possesses a GCSE in English with a grade higher than an E.
f – a person who is trying to win an argument and runs out of comebacks therefore resorts to becoming a “grammar nazi”.
A: Did you see the shit that went down between Becky Forbes and her nain on Facebook last night?
B: No I didn’t. What happened?
A: Basically Becky’s nain commented on her dp saying that she looked like she was wearing something “uncomfortable” and that she should “slip into something more comfortable, like a coma”. Becky totally overreacted and began to rant, then she spelt something wrong and her nain became a grammar nazi, it was crazy. Absolutely classic Facebook banter.
B: That sound like more than banter mate.
(By the way I’m Welsh and “nain” is welsh for “nan” or “grandma”)
Transitive verb
a – To correct the grammar of a person’s speech, a piece of writing and English in general
b- To edit for grammar and spelling; to proofread.
“My nain grammar nazied my reply.”
Now that (most of) the definitions are stated, and you now know what a grammar nazi is (and you’ve probably began to think of people who are grammar nazis), we can proceed with the symptoms that will diagnose whether or not you are a grammar nazi.

  • You’ve corrected somebody’s text message
  • You find grammar memes amusing
  • You get this burning feeling inside yourself when you notice that somebody doesn’t understand the difference between “your” and “you’re” (there’s a whole list of homophones that create this rage)
  • People fear talking to you because they anticipate that they will have a flaw within their writing/speech (basically you’ve not had any form of interaction with the entire human race in over a day at some point)
  • You’ve belittled somebody by correcting their grammar/punctuation/spelling
  • You’ve genuinely appreciated the fact that I’ve not made any (significant) grammar/punctuation/spelling errors YET
  • You always text/message/email/comment/blog/etc. in full standard English
  • You judge people by their grammar/punctuation/spelling ability
  • The only people who you sympathise for (when they make an error in English) are those who learnt English as a second language
  • You’re too scared to get a written tattoo because the tattoo artist might fuck it up
  • Your drunken text messages NEVER have grammar/punctuation/spelling errors in them – alcohol is never the excuse for poor grammar
  • “It’s not you, it’s your grammar”
  • People that use double negatives make you want to stand in a cold shower and cry
  • People that STILL spell things wrong even with auto-correct on really piss you off
  • You decide not to be friends with somebody because their grammar/punctuation/spelling is appalling and, quite frankly, embarrassing
  • “Grammar saves lives”

 

You are reminded that the following spectrum can measure how severe your belief on managing “standard” and consistent grammar is:

1 symptom: You have heard/read English before
2-4 symptoms: You can speak and/or read English
5-8 symptoms: You understand that English can be used differently within different contexts
9-12 symptoms: You are a grammar nazi
13+ symptoms: You need help. You are a full-blown grammar nazi and it genuinely irritates you when people make grammatical errors (even if it’s just the one error in a text message). Either that, or you’re an English student. People like us are people who are preventing the natural diachronic change that the English Language has endured through the past 2000 years. We are like hoarders of the English language though we know it’s inevitable that the English Language will change, we still encourage correct grammar and spelling at all times. You’ve probably corrected a child’s grammar before now too; I have.
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