Monthly Archives: June 2014

Eyes are keyholes to our souls

Writing in bed calms my mind and helps me sleep. My sleeping regime is appalling.

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Never
have we looked at the good
and smiled like we did.
Our smiles are
broken.

But we can
flood
those hidden tears.

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Vulnerable Creatures

A little bit of poetry before I rest and it becomes Monday.

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But we are all just daisies
waiting
to be plucked.

Even the most beautiful things are
damaged
and crushed
into oblivion.

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15 things that you should write about

If you’re lacking inspiration and need some prompts on what to write about, nab a few ideas off me! If you have tried out a few of these ideas, I would love it if you shared your writing with me too.

  1. Things that fill you with rage and make you feel like you’re burning inside out
  2. Things that make you happy
  3. Your favourite animal (“why are you so obsessed with cats?” asked nobody, ever.)
  4. The funniest thing that you’ve done to your friend
  5. The time you were going through something difficult
  6. “Why do writers write?”
  7. Reasons why you hate that thing you really hate
  8. A letter to your ninety year-old self
  9. Your favourite poem/story/metaphor/quote
  10. Chose a random word from the dictionary, now use it to begin a story
  11. Describe a colour without using colours
  12. Reasons why you are amazing
  13. A secret you couldn’t keep
  14. Things that nobody knows about you
  15. A list to inspire other writers

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2014 is looking promising

This year has had its peaks and troughs; with A-levels being the bane of my life and causing me to lose my sanity, I’m more than glad to say that it will all be over and done with in a few days time! I’ve finished school and “studying” for my final exams which are insanely difficult, I have no idea why I thought that choosing maths and chemistry as A-levels would be beneficial to my future because my future career is not even the slightest bit relevent to them. So without further ado, here’s a list (I love lists) of some of the things that I’m looking forward to after my exams finish!

  • A loooong summer
  • Maintaining my new blog!
  • My new job at The Body shop
  • Going to Conwy’s word festival
  • Gymming as much as I desire
  • Seeing my friends before we all go off to university
  • Results
  • University (if I get in)
  • Lady Gaga’s Artpop ball
  • Fresher’s and meeting new people
  • 19th Birthday
  • Christmas

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Symptoms that you know me

Becky Forbes is the most wonderful person you will ever meet. Of course if you know her, you will know that this isn’t even her trying to be remotely sarcastic or funny- she genuinely is the most amazing person in the entire human race. So if you think that you have the following symptoms, you should feel incredibly blessed.

  • You know that her real name is Rebecca Crystal Mercer-Forbes
  • You know that her birthday is 2nd November
  • You know that she wants to study English Language
  • You know that she gets crabby when she’s hungry
  • You know that she’s crazy about cats
  • You know that she genuinely loves David Crystal
  • You know that she’s cheeky
  • You know that she’s got a weird sense of humour
  • You know that she’s clever
  • You know that the bullet point above was bullshit
  • You know that she’s very deep and likes to think of life as a metaphor
  • You know that basically everything she says will only make complete sense to herself
  • You know that she thinks that she’s always right
  • You know that she’s quite arrogant
  • You know that she has 578439 make up brushes
  • You know that she hates elbows
  • You know that she hates belly buttons
  • You know that she’s always wearing a dress (even right now)
  • You know that she loves all chocolate
  • You know that she has a matching Tiffany set
  • You know that she has a fab pandora collection
  • You know that she’s basically always on her phone
  • You know that she’s weird
  • You know that she doesn’t judge people on race, gender, intelligence, colour, religion, age, place of birth or your favourite food.
  • You know that she definitely judges people on the way they like their tea
  • You know that she judges people based on spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structures.
  • You know that she loves to go to Bangor for a night out
  • You know that she loves Katy Perry, Beyonce and Lady Gaga (and that she’s seen them all)
  • You know that she’s obviously procrastinating right now

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Symptoms that you have lost your life to exams

So you have exams? It’s inevitable that you’re social life is going to be destroyed, unless you are desiring to fail them all.  We all know that when exams are just around the corner, we begin to go a little bit crazy (to say the least). Here are a few symptoms that you’re losing the plot and you’ve actually lost your life to exams (this is not a reference to actual, physical suicide but suicide of the soul).

  • You’re always online shopping even though you’re skint
  • You’ve read the labels of the food you’ve eaten as a way to procrastinate
  • You’ve signed yourself up to loads of random websites (“of course I want to sign up to adopt a virtual cat”)
  • You’ve stalked everybody’s Facebook on your friends list (“omg he’s put on so much weight” or “it didn’t shock me that she’s got pregnant again”)
  • You’ve began to tweet more than ever
  • You instagram/snapchat pictures of revision to reassure yourself that you’re revising
  • You’ve become an avid tea drinker
  • You’ve practiced your autograph for when you become the new Bill Gates (“if he doesn’t have any GCSE’s and he’s a billionaire, then I’m sure that I could do it too”)
  • You’ve tested how long you can hold your breath for as a way to procrastinate
  • You’ve looked through old photos as a way to procrastinate
  • The cleanliness of your room fluctuates on a regular basis – it gets super messy due to drowning yourself with revision, then randomly you will tidy it as a way to procrastinate
  • Your photo album on your phone is just full of pictures that you took of the white board or other people’s notes
  • You’ve put on 328 lbs because of all the food that has fueled your revision

 

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Symptoms that you are a Grammar Nazi

What is a Grammar Nazi?
Proper noun
A member of the English language whom believes that it is their duty to consistently correct all grammar that they are exposed to (essays, notes, posters, messages, emails, texts… the list is infinite to grammar nazis).
“Grammar Nazi, please stop correcting every fucking thing I write and say.”
Common noun (pl. -s)
a – A person who uses proper grammar (and usually spells correctly too).
b – One who attempts to persuade or force others to use proper grammar and spelling at all times.
c – One who uses proper grammar and spelling to subtly mock a grammar amateur in order to express their grammar dominance and superiority.
d – a person with an English degree.
e – a person that possesses a GCSE in English with a grade higher than an E.
f – a person who is trying to win an argument and runs out of comebacks therefore resorts to becoming a “grammar nazi”.
A: Did you see the shit that went down between Becky Forbes and her nain on Facebook last night?
B: No I didn’t. What happened?
A: Basically Becky’s nain commented on her dp saying that she looked like she was wearing something “uncomfortable” and that she should “slip into something more comfortable, like a coma”. Becky totally overreacted and began to rant, then she spelt something wrong and her nain became a grammar nazi, it was crazy. Absolutely classic Facebook banter.
B: That sound like more than banter mate.
(By the way I’m Welsh and “nain” is welsh for “nan” or “grandma”)
Transitive verb
a – To correct the grammar of a person’s speech, a piece of writing and English in general
b- To edit for grammar and spelling; to proofread.
“My nain grammar nazied my reply.”
Now that (most of) the definitions are stated, and you now know what a grammar nazi is (and you’ve probably began to think of people who are grammar nazis), we can proceed with the symptoms that will diagnose whether or not you are a grammar nazi.

  • You’ve corrected somebody’s text message
  • You find grammar memes amusing
  • You get this burning feeling inside yourself when you notice that somebody doesn’t understand the difference between “your” and “you’re” (there’s a whole list of homophones that create this rage)
  • People fear talking to you because they anticipate that they will have a flaw within their writing/speech (basically you’ve not had any form of interaction with the entire human race in over a day at some point)
  • You’ve belittled somebody by correcting their grammar/punctuation/spelling
  • You’ve genuinely appreciated the fact that I’ve not made any (significant) grammar/punctuation/spelling errors YET
  • You always text/message/email/comment/blog/etc. in full standard English
  • You judge people by their grammar/punctuation/spelling ability
  • The only people who you sympathise for (when they make an error in English) are those who learnt English as a second language
  • You’re too scared to get a written tattoo because the tattoo artist might fuck it up
  • Your drunken text messages NEVER have grammar/punctuation/spelling errors in them – alcohol is never the excuse for poor grammar
  • “It’s not you, it’s your grammar”
  • People that use double negatives make you want to stand in a cold shower and cry
  • People that STILL spell things wrong even with auto-correct on really piss you off
  • You decide not to be friends with somebody because their grammar/punctuation/spelling is appalling and, quite frankly, embarrassing
  • “Grammar saves lives”

 

You are reminded that the following spectrum can measure how severe your belief on managing “standard” and consistent grammar is:

1 symptom: You have heard/read English before
2-4 symptoms: You can speak and/or read English
5-8 symptoms: You understand that English can be used differently within different contexts
9-12 symptoms: You are a grammar nazi
13+ symptoms: You need help. You are a full-blown grammar nazi and it genuinely irritates you when people make grammatical errors (even if it’s just the one error in a text message). Either that, or you’re an English student. People like us are people who are preventing the natural diachronic change that the English Language has endured through the past 2000 years. We are like hoarders of the English language though we know it’s inevitable that the English Language will change, we still encourage correct grammar and spelling at all times. You’ve probably corrected a child’s grammar before now too; I have.

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