This year has had its peaks and troughs; with A-levels being the bane of my life and causing me to lose my sanity, I’m more than glad to say that it will all be over and done with in a few days time! I’ve finished school and “studying” for my final exams which are insanely difficult, I have no idea why I thought that choosing maths and chemistry as A-levels would be beneficial to my future because my future career is not even the slightest bit relevent to them. So without further ado, here’s a list (I love lists) of some of the things that I’m looking forward to after my exams finish!
A loooong summer
Maintaining my new blog!
My new job at The Body shop
Going to Conwy’s word festival
Gymming as much as I desire
Seeing my friends before we all go off to university
Becky Forbes is the most wonderful person you will ever meet. Of course if you know her, you will know that this isn’t even her trying to be remotely sarcastic or funny- she genuinely is the most amazing person in the entire human race. So if you think that you have the following symptoms, you should feel incredibly blessed.
You know that her real name is Rebecca Crystal Mercer-Forbes
You know that her birthday is 2nd November
You know that she wants to study English Language
You know that she gets crabby when she’s hungry
You know that she’s crazy about cats
You know that she genuinely loves David Crystal
You know that she’s cheeky
You know that she’s got a weird sense of humour
You know that she’s clever
You know that the bullet point above was bullshit
You know that she’s very deep and likes to think of life as a metaphor
You know that basically everything she says will only make complete sense to herself
You know that she thinks that she’s always right
You know that she’s quite arrogant
You know that she has 578439 make up brushes
You know that she hates elbows
You know that she hates belly buttons
You know that she’s always wearing a dress (even right now)
You know that she loves all chocolate
You know that she has a matching Tiffany set
You know that she has a fab pandora collection
You know that she’s basically always on her phone
You know that she’s weird
You know that she doesn’t judge people on race, gender, intelligence, colour, religion, age, place of birth or your favourite food.
You know that she definitely judges people on the way they like their tea
You know that she judges people based on spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structures.
You know that she loves to go to Bangor for a night out
You know that she loves Katy Perry, Beyonce and Lady Gaga (and that she’s seen them all)
You know that she’s obviously procrastinating right now
So you have exams? It’s inevitable that you’re social life is going to be destroyed, unless you are desiring to fail them all. We all know that when exams are just around the corner, we begin to go a little bit crazy (to say the least). Here are a few symptoms that you’re losing the plot and you’ve actually lost your life to exams (this is not a reference to actual, physical suicide but suicide of the soul).
You’re always online shopping even though you’re skint
You’ve read the labels of the food you’ve eaten as a way to procrastinate
You’ve signed yourself up to loads of random websites (“of course I want to sign up to adopt a virtual cat”)
You’ve stalked everybody’s Facebook on your friends list (“omg he’s put on so much weight” or “it didn’t shock me that she’s got pregnant again”)
You’ve began to tweet more than ever
You instagram/snapchat pictures of revision to reassure yourself that you’re revising
You’ve become an avid tea drinker
You’ve practiced your autograph for when you become the new Bill Gates (“if he doesn’t have any GCSE’s and he’s a billionaire, then I’m sure that I could do it too”)
You’ve tested how long you can hold your breath for as a way to procrastinate
You’ve looked through old photos as a way to procrastinate
The cleanliness of your room fluctuates on a regular basis – it gets super messy due to drowning yourself with revision, then randomly you will tidy it as a way to procrastinate
Your photo album on your phone is just full of pictures that you took of the white board or other people’s notes
You’ve put on 328 lbs because of all the food that has fueled your revision
A member of the English language whom believes that it is their duty to consistently correct all grammar that they are exposed to (essays, notes, posters, messages, emails, texts… the list is infinite to grammar nazis).
“Grammar Nazi, please stop correcting every fucking thing I write and say.”
Common noun (pl. -s) a – A person who uses proper grammar (and usually spells correctly too).
b – One who attempts to persuade or force others to use proper grammar and spelling at all times.
c – One who uses proper grammar and spelling to subtly mock a grammar amateur in order to express their grammar dominance and superiority.
d – a person with an English degree.
e – a person that possesses a GCSE in English with a grade higher than an E.
f – a person who is trying to win an argument and runs out of comebacks therefore resorts to becoming a “grammar nazi”.
A: Did you see the shit that went down between Becky Forbes and her nain on Facebook last night?
B: No I didn’t. What happened?
A: Basically Becky’s nain commented on her dp saying that she looked like she was wearing something “uncomfortable” and that she should “slip into something more comfortable, like a coma”. Becky totally overreacted and began to rant, then she spelt something wrong and her nain became a grammar nazi, it was crazy. Absolutely classic Facebook banter.
B: That sound like more than banter mate.
(By the way I’m Welsh and “nain” is welsh for “nan” or “grandma”)
Transitive verb a – To correct the grammar of a person’s speech, a piece of writing and English in general
b- To edit for grammar and spelling; to proofread.
“My nain grammar nazied my reply.”
Now that (most of) the definitions are stated, and you now know what a grammar nazi is (and you’ve probably began to think of people who are grammar nazis), we can proceed with the symptoms that will diagnose whether or not you are a grammar nazi.
You’ve corrected somebody’s text message
You find grammar memes amusing
You get this burning feeling inside yourself when you notice that somebody doesn’t understand the difference between “your” and “you’re” (there’s a whole list of homophones that create this rage)
People fear talking to you because they anticipate that they will have a flaw within their writing/speech (basically you’ve not had any form of interaction with the entire human race in over a day at some point)
You’ve belittled somebody by correcting their grammar/punctuation/spelling
You’ve genuinely appreciated the fact that I’ve not made any (significant) grammar/punctuation/spelling errors YET
You always text/message/email/comment/blog/etc. in full standard English
You judge people by their grammar/punctuation/spelling ability
The only people who you sympathise for (when they make an error in English) are those who learnt English as a second language
You’re too scared to get a written tattoo because the tattoo artist might fuck it up
Your drunken text messages NEVER have grammar/punctuation/spelling errors in them – alcohol is never the excuse for poor grammar
“It’s not you, it’s your grammar”
People that use double negatives make you want to stand in a cold shower and cry
People that STILL spell things wrong even with auto-correct on really piss you off
You decide not to be friends with somebody because their grammar/punctuation/spelling is appalling and, quite frankly, embarrassing
“Grammar saves lives”
You are reminded that the following spectrum can measure how severe your belief on managing “standard” and consistent grammar is:
1 symptom: You have heard/read English before
2-4 symptoms: You can speak and/or read English
5-8 symptoms: You understand that English can be used differently within different contexts
9-12 symptoms: You are a grammar nazi
13+ symptoms: You need help. You are a full-blown grammar nazi and it genuinely irritates you when people make grammatical errors (even if it’s just the one error in a text message). Either that, or you’re an English student. People like us are people who are preventing the natural diachronic change that the English Language has endured through the past 2000 years. We are like hoarders of the English language though we know it’s inevitable that the English Language will change, we still encourage correct grammar and spelling at all times. You’ve probably corrected a child’s grammar before now too; I have.